


Not Ready

by ThatNerdyCat15



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Anxiety, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-14 21:01:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3425453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatNerdyCat15/pseuds/ThatNerdyCat15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Judith trevelyan is definitely in love with Cullen, but this does not mean she's ready to have sex with him. Or anyone. It's not his fault, and she hopes he'll understand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Ready

I stood in the corner of Cullen’s office, watching as he addressed some of his men. Outside, I was cool, blending with the shadow the space offered, but on the inside I was a nervous wreck. Every time I set foot in Cullen’s particular part of Skyhold, my palms got sweaty and I felt like I might throw up.

It wasn’t him, oh Maker, it wasn’t him. Cullen had no part in the reason I was afraid of going further. The only man who played a part in that was dead and gone by my own hand. But still, so many doubts filled my mind, and I felt uneasy whenever we were totally alone. However, I tried to throw those thoughts out when Cullen pushed the door to his office closed. He leaned against it.

“There’s always something more, isn’t there?” He asked. 

“Wishing we were somewhere else?” I offered, barely managing to keep my nerves from affecting my voice. Cullen looked up at me.

“I could barely find time to get away before.” He replied, pushing himself away from the wooden door and walking towards his desk.

“This war won’t last forever. When it started, I hadn’t considered much beyond our survival, but things are different now.” He continued. I started to follow him and he turned back to look at me.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I find myself wondering what will happen after, when this is over, I won’t want to move on… Not from you.” Cullen answered, stroking my cheek with his hand. I looked up at him as he spoke. It was hard to keep from shaking, but I didn’t want him to know something was wrong. Suddenly, his eyes were focused on a point somewhere else, avoiding me.

“But I don’t know if you- That is, if you, ah…” He walked away, going to lean against the desk, both hands on the wood. I didn’t move. I knew what he was asking. I couldn’t keep from letting my hands shake, my heartbeat quickening. 

“Cullen, do you need to ask?” I told him, stepping closer until I came to stand beside him, shakily sitting on the edge of the desk.

“I suppose not, I-” Cullen started, but then a bottle fell off and shattered on the floor. I gasped, jumping up and going to investigate the mess. I felt his hand on my wrist, pulling me back, and when I turned to him, he kissed me. My head spun, I didn’t want to do this. I broke when he gently pushed me onto the desk, breaking the kiss and pushing him away harder than I’d meant to. He looked shocked and hurt, and I felt like throwing up.

“Cullen, I-”

“Did I do something?” He asked, his voice cracking. I stood up, taking a step away from the desk. I shook my head, looking down.

“No, no, it isn’t you. It isn’t you at all, it’s just, I can’t.” I fumbled for the right words. 

“What?” 

“I love you, so much, but I don’t want to… I’m just not ready to..” I couldn’t finish the sentence. However, when I felt Cullen gently take my hand and his other wipe away a tear falling down my cheek, I figured he knew what I meant.

“We don’t have to have sex if you don’t want to, Trevelyan. I’m sorry, I-” I cut him off, hugging him and burying my face in the crook of his neck.

“Thank you. It’s not your fault, Cullen, but thank you.” I replied, and we stood there together, his arms wrapped around me and his hands rubbing my back as my nervousness subsided.

“You don’t want to talk about it do you?” He asked. I shook my head, pulling away but entwining our hands.

“Not tonight. I kind of just want to sleep.” I replied. Cullen smiled, nodding.

“Sleep would be nice, I agree.” He agreed, chuckling. I smiled in return.

“How about we both sleep in my bed tonight? I don’t want to be alone.” I suggested, pulling him towards the door. I received another nod, and we made our way back to my room holding hands with our shoulders brushing as we walked. I’d be nothing without Cullen, I figured. He probably wouldn’t be much without me either.


End file.
